Go on now go, dance out the door

…just turn around now, ’cause you’re not welcome anymore…

Dancing with the Stars, I’m breaking up with you.

I know it sounds like a surprise, but it’s been a long time in coming. The bloom started to fade when Hélio Castroneves beat out Mel B. for the golden disco ball in 2007. Sure, Maksim choreographed a lame freestyle for Mel, but it became apparent throughout the season that your judges were favoring the adorable ingenue Julianne Hough when dishing out the scores.

I stopped watching the Kristi Yamaguchi season well before she won. There was no suspense there as she dominated from week 1. Call my cynical, but it may have been the decades of Olympic-level choreography, timed jumps and spins, and performing in front of a live crowd that gave her an edge.

Season 7 left me cold as well. I knew Warren Sapp wasn’t the best dancer, but he entertained me ten times more then Brooke. Then again, I knew Brooke would win because she was paired with Derek. Since Julianne and Mark won, the third member of their little clique couldn’t be far behind. Cloris Leachman made me uncomfortable. Kim Kardashian made me feel itchy.

And with all of that, here is what you offer me for Season 8:

Belinda Carlisle – GoGos lead singer, whom I loved when I was 15. Token middle-aged woman.
David Alan Grier – actor, token comedian
Jewel folk pop country singer and former reality show hostess. Stunt casting at its finest because of…
Ty Murray – Jewel’s husband and rodeo star
Shawn Johnson – token Olympic gold medalist
Lil’ Kim – rapper, actress, ex-con
Gilles Marini – the naked guy in the Sex and the City movie, token model-type
Nancy O’Dell – entertainment reporter for Access Hollywood
Steve-O – host of Jackass. Best known for voluntarily stapling his scrotum to his leg.
Denise Richards – crazy ex-wife of crazy Charlie Sheen & reality show “star”
Chuck Wicks – C-list country singer with only 3 released singles to his name. Why’s he here? Oh! He’s Julianne’s (who’s back for her 2nd or 3rd very last season, I lost count) real life boyfriend. Aww. Stunt casting!
Steve Wozniak – token geek billionaire and token fat guy rolled into one. I fear my iPhone’s going to come to life tomorrow night and start voting on its own
Lawrence Taylor – thrice-jailed token NFL player, former coke addict and admitted tax evader

I wasn’t thrilled at the cast at all, but I was willing to give the first episode a shot. Then Jewel and Nancy O’Dell get injured (seriously injured!) and drop out. Their replacements?

Holly Madison – former Playboy model and best known for sharing Hugh Hefner with 2 other women. On a reality show.
Melissa Rycroft – Proposed to and then dumped by the Bachelor. Beat out 24 other women for that honor. On a reality show.

I’m heartsick that they couldn’t find female replacements that achieved something in their “star” turn other than shaking their thing enough to get a man to choose them over other women.

So taking in consideration all of the above: the scofflaws, the couple-y stunt casting, the scrotum stapler and the preponderance of vapid reality-show women, we’re done.

Take your sequins and heels and get out.

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Friday 5: On this date

Woohoo! It’s easy to blog on Friday, thanks to the Friday Five. Here we go!

(whoa…this is wordy and history-based. Bet WM will eat this up)

1. On March 6, 1869, Dmitri Mendeleev presented the first Periodic Table of the Elements to the Russian Chemical Society. What memories do you have of your high-school chemistry course?

My high school chemistry teacher, Mr. S. was a very sharp dresser in his early-60s. (I remember him being older. He was probably 36. :/) At times, he’d even wear three piece suits! My best friend and I tracked his wardrobe choices in our chemistry notebooks, and he went almost four weeks without repeating a suit.

Wait, did he mean academic memories? Oh. Um. If you chuck a chunk of Potassium (K) into water, it sparks and almost explodes.

2. On March 6, 1899, the Bayer company registered aspirin as a trademark. When did you last take medication for pain?

The Vile Goddess Menstrua (remember when she used to be a semi-regular blog character?) made not one but TWO appearances in the last 30 days. So I took a Naproxen (I may be divorced from the pharmacist, but I still know that generics are a better deal!) early this week.

3. On March 6, 1853, Giuseppe Verdi’s opera La Traviata premiered in Venice. How do you feel about opera?

Not very interested at all. I was never exposed to it as a young adult (through much fault of my own) and now all I like is the Rabbit of Seville.

4. On March 6, 1947, American film director Rob Reiner (Meathead!) was born. Which of these Reiner-directed films have you seen, and what do you think of them?

Ugh. I’m not a movie person.

* The Bucket List (2007)Didn’t see it. Why grow attached to characters I know will die?
* Rumor Has It… (2005) Didn’t see it. Aniston’s best movie work was Office Space. And I’m Team Angelina, anyway.
* Alex & Emma (2003) Didn’t see it.
* The Story of Us (1999) Didn’t see it.
* Ghosts of Mississippi (1996) Didn’t see it.
* The American President (1995) This one I saw many times and still love. Andrew Shepherd is my 2nd favorite fictional president. My fave is the president in Independence Day.
* North (1994) Nope.
* A Few Good Men (1992) I know I have seen this, but all I remember is the Nicholson quotes.
* Misery (1990) Not a suspense person
* When Harry Met Sally… (1989) Didn’t see this until 2 years ago, when WM promised me it’d cheer me up after BvP and I separated. It was okay.
* The Princess Bride (1987) I avoided this one until 2 years ago. Inconceivable. Very sweet movie. Makes me miss my grandparents.
* Stand by Me (1986) I saw this in 1986 when I as 14. It had cute boys and a dead body.
* The Sure Thing (1985) Nope
* This Is Spinal Tap (1984) Nope

5. On March 6, 1972, American basketball-player Shaquille O’Neal was born. How do you feel about basketball?

Don’t like it at all. Why spend all that time watching the back and forth when all you have to do is watch the last 5 minutes? Also, I think basketball has single-handedly ruined college education for many. They should just draft out of high school rather than make these players pretend to play school for four years and waste money and slots that could go to more qualified and willing students.

I’m on furlough today, which means I’m technically not a Gannett employee. So unlike a vacation day, I can’t even be called if something goes wrong. The five days unpaid is a hardship, yes, but I think we’re going to squeak out of the first fiscal quarter without layoffs. Which is good.

Shameless self-promotion: I blogged on the newspaper’s gadget blog yesterday about a World of Warcraft-related product: Authenticate me! I’m now listed as an official author to the blog even though I only have that one post. Which is pretty nifty.

I’m accruing a readership on the World of Warcraft blog too. Which is weird, since I never thought it would catch on. Many of the readers are not local but they certainly love to comment. Makes me feel good.

Of the top five blogs on the C-P site, two are not written by newsroom staff members. One is mine, and the other is Fish Head, written by Coworker A in our IT department. It’s hysterical, and I don’t even fish. If you do fish, check it out! We’re proud of our blogs, because up until now we didn’t have the benefit of name-recognition or promotion from the paper like the reporters do.

Although I’ll likely never see a dime from it, I want to call myself a writer. And the more I’ve been writing, the more ideas I have. Which is good for me, and good for my blogs. Probably not as good for you. 😉

As always, thank you for sticking with me through the writers block and countless memes. :)

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Wordless Wednesday

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My home “office”

My workspace

After almost 3 years in my dee-luxe apartment in the sky, I finally got the workspace where I want it. I like the clean, uncluttered look of it.

The table is from IKEA, the PC is underneath it. WM created the shelf (my “Dorkshelf”) out of a plank of wood and some shelf brackets from Home Depot. He assembled, painted, and mounted it on the wall. There’s an identical one over his desk. Mine’s much girlier. I have a tiny plastic 3-drawer unit that I’ll probably put up on the dorkshelf to hold pens, business cards, etc.

Underneath it is a little magnetic/push pin bulletin board that we got from the Container store. I can finally tack things to my wall. That makes me smile.

There is always beading stuff on my desk. I fiddle with wire when I’m bored.

See my new tax-refund monitor? It was only $179 at Best Buy a few weeks ago. I never realized how dingy my old monitor (about 5 years old now) was until I compared it to the new one. Having dual-monitors is nice when I’m dinking around with PHP or other code. My work setup feels ghetto now.

And here’s how this all looked in July, 2006.

I’ve come a long way, baby.

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