Yoga - week 2

About two years ago, I started yoga at the studio I’m in now. I was in that dark period in between my separation and my divorce, living on my own for the first time in a mostly empty apartment and transitioning out of my management job. Toward the end of the class the teacher had us lay on our backs and relax our muscles and breathing. He asked us to visualize where we wanted to be. And as my mind quieted, I saw myself plunging off of the Walt Whitman Bridge.

That half-second flash disturbed me so much that I never went back.

Until last week.

Fifteen minutes into my hour long class last night, I didn’t think I’d make it. My muscles were shaking through every pose and the sweat trickled off of my forehead.

Twenty minutes into my hour long class last night, I stopped shaking and started breathing.

Fifty minutes into my hour long class last night, I lay on my back, quieting my breathing. Eyes closed, I could feel the warm evening sun shining on my sore but happy muscles through the studio’s windows, that bright crispy sunshine that portends the onset of autumn.

The instructor asked us to visualize where we wanted to be. And as my mind quieted, I saw that the only place I wanted to be was here. Here in this body, here in this wonderful, joyful life.

The dark times have passed and life grows more beautiful with every single day.

Namaste.

Posted at: 9:29 pm in General, Kim v. 3.0 | Permanent Link | 2 Comments - add yours! »
Tags: depression, joy, yoga

Better

1) I weighed myself at lunch. It’s not bad at all. Just a few lbs up - easily knocked off in a week.
2) Went to yoga and kicked myself for waiting so long to go back. Tomorrow I’ll most likely not be able to lift my arms above shoulder level, but tonight I’m happy.
3) Still behind in Facebook and email. Maybe tomorrow night.
4) Didn’t touch the skirt tonight either.
5) Great day at work. Got some excellent news about the future of online at our paper. Still no pill I can swallow for instant mastery of PHP, though.

And that’s all. Just wanted to let you know I tamed the crazy. At least for now.

Posted at: 11:05 pm in General, Play, Work, YAD - Yet Another Diet | Permanent Link | Comments Off
Tags: calm, stress, yoga

Sunday night blues

There is no rhyme, reason, or coherence here. Just stream of consciousness craziness, tapped straight from the brain.

My diet’s gone MIA for the entire last week. I’m not weighing myself until NEXT Monday. Speaking of Mondays - there’s a new 4-week ‘beginners’ yoga class at the place I went to 2 years ago that starts tomorrow at 5:30. I want to go but I’d have to head to work a half hour early to get out by five (my schedule’s usually 9:00 - 5:30). I also have a half-dozen other excuses* but I need to add some movement to my life and maybe 60-90 minutes spent with just me once a week would be a good thing.

I’m completely behind in Facebook and email again. I haven’t visited Facebook in a few weeks I think, and I feel guilty for the messages I’m sure are on there that I haven’t seen. I mean, how the heck hard is it for me to log into a website once a day? Hang in there, friends…I’m coming back.

This weekend I tried to sew a skirt, after not having touched patterns in ages. So I went to Joann fabric in Haddon Heights and picked this pattern (it says EASY!!!) :

And some light corduroy fabric - black with white polka dots…like this napkin. I cut out the pattern (I’m using skirt “C” without the button embellishment) and started pinning it to the fabric. Found out I didn’t have enough straight pins - went to Target today for more. Pinned the pattern, cut out the fabric, neglected to cut the little notches and crap that I was supposed to cut, and cursed myself for picking such a busy fabric. Now it’s all pinned together and sitting on top of the sewing machine waiting patiently for me to finish it. Maybe I’ll do that tomorrow night. After the yoga class I most likely won’t attend.

It’s August. My summer’s speeding away from me and I can’t stop it. My birthday’s coming up next month and the thought of “36″ knocks the wind out of me. I can’t believe I’m turning into one of “those” women who angsts about their age. I don’t want to be that person.

And oh my gosh work. Work is fantastic. I love my job and I love my team (I hate where I sit, but that’s a long story that’ll never get posted here because my boss reads this blog - hi, Boss! Suffice it to say that quiet designers/coders shouldn’t sit with noisy, cheerful & boisterous salespeople) but I worry tremendously that I’ll be laid off. Again, nothing I can DO about that, but the worries are still there. So as of tomorrow, I’m swearing off reading the unauthorized blog about my parent company which does nothing but scare me shitless about “what could happen on Friday!!”

I played a lot of World of Warcraft this weekend…got my shadow priest from level 46 to level 53. And with Akromah, I did some PvP with the guild and went on my first Gruul’s Lair raid. Ugh…I haven’t updated my WoW blog in a month! Will put that on the list for tomorrow. Another thing to think about. Should’ve screenshotted something from Gruul. :/

So tonight as I lie in bed I’ll pray for the calming of my worries, for health, for the willpower to get back on the healthy track (could I have regained all 17 lbs in one week of bad eating?), for the ability to continue to do my job well (please, Lord…PHP/MySQL implanted in my brain overnight would be faboo!) for prosperity and abundance, and for the wellbeing of the usual suspects whom I include in my nightly prayers.

And as I try not to feel like I’m being pulled underwater by a riptide of stressors, I’ll cling to what’s important.

* 1) It’s $10 a week, which turns out to be $40. Which isn’t much, but still, I worry; 2) I am so out of shape right now I’m afraid I’d be the worst one there - just like HS gym; 3) By the end of the workday I just want to come straight home; 4) What if nobody talks to me?; 5) What if somebody talks to me?; 6) Would once-a-week yoga really do me any good?
Return to my whining about yoga

Posted at: 10:59 pm in General, Play, Work | Permanent Link | 1 Comment - add yours! »
Tags: blues, sewing, stress, whining, yoga

Still alive

I’m still alive, and I have pictures of the new baseball park. But I’ve had three terribly long days…and a stressy one tomorrow as well.

So I’m off to bed.

BTW, I’m officially a student of yoga again. Baby steps.

Posted at: 11:03 pm in General, Work | Permanent Link | Comments Off
Tags: yoga