I’m a weary girl these days. Work’s kicking my butt – we’re going on over a month now without that manager job being filled and I’m wearing down. I’m the only person at my company who knows how to do my job. That’s good for job security (well, not really) but it’s bad because if I dare take a day off, stuff piles up. I’ve been doing a lot of running around too on the nights and weekends and I’m feeling it. I’m worried about money — it’s rushing out of the checking account like an angry river.

When it goes over 95 degrees, the power goes off on the top 3 floors of our building. They’re looking into it, but it’s weird not knowing whether or not I’ll have electricity. I’ve been setting the iPhone alarm every night in case the clock radio cuts off. And then waking up every hour to make sure I know what time it is. Suffice it to say I haven’t been sleeping well, either.

I feel like I’m being pulled in a million directions even though I know I’m not.

Tomorrow night I have a vet appointment for Max to get his shots, and I expect to be chided for letting him go 5 months w/o getting a rabies booster. And for his super long nails. After that they’ll tell me he’s overweight and look at me disapprovingly about his teeth. Then charge me $250 for the pleasure of it all.

And I’ll pick up Misty’s cremains while I’m there. This may be uncouth to write about, but my vet charged me $272 for her euthanization and cremation. Is that over the top? It seems so. She was only 5 lbs. Maybe Super-Obama can reform veterinary care next.

But Wednesday night brings a fun outdoor concert with Mom. Then I’m staring at a lovely planless weekend. Two gorgeous blank squares on the calendar. Maybe I’ll sit by the pool and read. Maybe I’ll have a chance to play with my beads. Maybe I can play World of Warcraft for more than a half-hour. Maybe I’ll just crash on the sofa with cucumbers over my eyes and listen to Dave Matthews Band on repeat.

In the dark. :/

My diet’s gone MIA for the entire last week. I’m not weighing myself until NEXT Monday. Speaking of Mondays – there’s a new 4-week ‘beginners’ yoga class at the place I went to 2 years ago that starts tomorrow at 5:30. I want to go but I’d have to head to work a half hour early to get out by five (my schedule’s usually 9:00 – 5:30). I also have a half-dozen other excuses* but I need to add some movement to my life and maybe 60-90 minutes spent with just me once a week would be a good thing.

I’m completely behind in Facebook and email again. I haven’t visited Facebook in a few weeks I think, and I feel guilty for the messages I’m sure are on there that I haven’t seen. I mean, how the heck hard is it for me to log into a website once a day? Hang in there, friends…I’m coming back.

This weekend I tried to sew a skirt, after not having touched patterns in ages. So I went to Joann fabric in Haddon Heights and picked this pattern (it says EASY!!!) :

And some light corduroy fabric – black with white polka dots…like this napkin. I cut out the pattern (I’m using skirt “C” without the button embellishment) and started pinning it to the fabric. Found out I didn’t have enough straight pins – went to Target today for more. Pinned the pattern, cut out the fabric, neglected to cut the little notches and crap that I was supposed to cut, and cursed myself for picking such a busy fabric. Now it’s all pinned together and sitting on top of the sewing machine waiting patiently for me to finish it. Maybe I’ll do that tomorrow night. After the yoga class I most likely won’t attend.

It’s August. My summer’s speeding away from me and I can’t stop it. My birthday’s coming up next month and the thought of “36″ knocks the wind out of me. I can’t believe I’m turning into one of “those” women who angsts about their age. I don’t want to be that person.

And oh my gosh work. Work is fantastic. I love my job and I love my team (I hate where I sit, but that’s a long story that’ll never get posted here because my boss reads this blog – hi, Boss! Suffice it to say that quiet designers/coders shouldn’t sit with noisy, cheerful & boisterous salespeople) but I worry tremendously that I’ll be laid off. Again, nothing I can DO about that, but the worries are still there. So as of tomorrow, I’m swearing off reading the unauthorized blog about my parent company which does nothing but scare me shitless about “what could happen on Friday!!”

I played a lot of World of Warcraft this weekend…got my shadow priest from level 46 to level 53. And with Akromah, I did some PvP with the guild and went on my first Gruul’s Lair raid. Ugh…I haven’t updated my WoW blog in a month! Will put that on the list for tomorrow. Another thing to think about. Should’ve screenshotted something from Gruul. :/

So tonight as I lie in bed I’ll pray for the calming of my worries, for health, for the willpower to get back on the healthy track (could I have regained all 17 lbs in one week of bad eating?), for the ability to continue to do my job well (please, Lord…PHP/MySQL implanted in my brain overnight would be faboo!) for prosperity and abundance, and for the wellbeing of the usual suspects whom I include in my nightly prayers.

And as I try not to feel like I’m being pulled underwater by a riptide of stressors, I’ll cling to what’s important.

* 1) It’s $10 a week, which turns out to be $40. Which isn’t much, but still, I worry; 2) I am so out of shape right now I’m afraid I’d be the worst one there – just like HS gym; 3) By the end of the workday I just want to come straight home; 4) What if nobody talks to me?; 5) What if somebody talks to me?; 6) Would once-a-week yoga really do me any good?
Return to my whining about yoga