LadyGypsy.net – the blog of Kimberly Dowd of New Jersey

Frosty: Hey, Crystal! I made us some dinner.
Crystal: Not sno-cones again, I hope. I’m so sick of sno-cones.
Frosty: Oh, no…something better. Something…mmmm..mmm..good!
Crystal: Sounds wonderful! What is it?
Frosty: Um…uh…sno-soup.
Crystal: I’ve never seen that before.
Frosty: Have some.
Crystal (warily): I dunno….
Frosty: Dammit, woman! Try the SOUP!!!
Crystal: Okay okay. (takes a sip) AH! AHHH! I’m BURNING INSIDE! I’m MELLLLLTINGG!!!! FROSTYYYYYY!

(Frosty watches as “Crystal” becomes “Puddle.” He puts out the fire and buries the pot of death-soup.)

Frosty: (flips open his cell-phone) Hey, Snowflake. Frosty here. How YOU doin’?

(this sinister tableau with ‘glittery accents’ is available for $19.95 courtesy of the Hamilton Collection)

I LOVE Mickey Mouse. And because of that fact, people think often of me when they peruse used book sales and yard sales and the like. I have heaps of Mickey Mouse collectibles – some bought new, some pre-loved.

I saw this in the coupon circulars and if I am ever forced to draw the line somewhere, it’s right here, right now.

“I said C. CC Rider.” (insert Mickey chuckle here)

This precious … thing … is called “Jumpsuit Salute.” It’s Mickey (duh) dressed as Elvis (duh again) from his Aloha From Hawaii special. I knew that without reading it, because that was one of the five albums my mom played over and over when I was a kid. It’s “ear-resistible” with “over 80 Faux Jewels.”

Some unlikely combinations go very well together, like peanut butter & chocolate, coffee & booze, and wheat thins & online gaming. Elvis & Mickey? Not so much. Because I can’t look at this and NOT imagine Mickey popping pills, covered with a glistening sheen of sweat, and shooting his TV because SpongeBob is onscreen.

So I’m putting the warning out now – if you get me this for ANY holiday, you are dead to me.

(first in the occasional series of “Gifts of Spite from the weekly Coupon Circulars”)