1. What’s in need of a good cleaning?
Max. Seriously. He needs a bath. Ollie had a grooming appointment a few weeks back and he is so snuggly and sweet and shorn. Max looks like a homeless Ewok.

2. What’s your idea of good, clean fun?
The TV program “Wipeout” which cracks me up every single Thursday. It’s funny, but not in a mean way.

3. How clean is your driving record?
Right now it’s completely clean. I have a lead foot so I’ve received my share of speeding tickets through the years. I haven’t had one since I lived in my Voorhees apartment and was still working the 5:30am – 2:00pm schedule. So…2001 or 2002. I miss that schedule, by the way.

4. When did you last make a clean escape?
I never do. Seriously. The people I work with, frankly, can slip out easily. “Oh yeah…I have a, uh, sales call. In … the town where I live. At, uh, 4:45pm. So, uh, I’m heading there now and I’ll TRY to come back but, you know, traffic.” Me? I’m the one being emailed at 4:58pm with a problem.

5. What are your feelings about dirty language?
I used to be so uptight about it all. Now all of my uptightness has been tied to one foul and dirty four-letter word which begins with “c” and if you say it, I turn into a ball of raging and angry fury.

Put on your cape and Underoos because this week’s topic is SUPER1

1. There are superheroes named Superman, Superfly, and Supergirl. Based on your performance this past week in whatever you do, what would have been your Super_____ name?

I dunno. SuperAdScheduler is pretty lame. SuperCoordinator is pretty anti-climatic. When you have a job that doesn’t add anything to society, it’s pretty hard to be super. SuperPixelPusher? SuperSpreadsheeter?

Resolved: Find something to be super at. Next question!

2. This week, what has been superterrific and what has been superlame?

Superterrific: Coming home at night to a warm apartment full of love and food. Seriously, when I’m sacked out on the sofa before bedtime and I have the dogs & cat with me and glance over to see WM on the computer I am bowled over by how lucky I am. This is NOT how life was supposed to turn out for me by now, but I’m so stinking happy.

Superlame: Some work stuff. I don’t want to go into detail because – HI, WORK PEOPLE! – but we have a LOT of projects starting at the same time and I’m already behind on one.

3. Which of Superman’s abilities would have been the most useful this week?

Based on Superman’s modern abilities I think that photographic memory would be useful to me any week. It’s too cold to fly!

4. What do you most expect will be super this weekend?

I’m going to make a loaf of cinnamon bread in my breadmaker, play some World of Warcraft, go back to church, do some simple baking & possibly hit up some thrift stores. Tonight I very well may spike my coffee. Any of these has the potential to be super!

5. What are your thoughts this week about the coming Super Bowl?
The Philadelphia Eagles and their classless sociopath-hiring management and boorish fans has cultivated in me a hatred of football and its culture. I quit caring about the Super Bowl years ago when they stopped using current artists for the halftime show. Now that I can watch all of the cool commercials online the next morning, I’m finally freed from the five-hour-long SuperBowl process.

Have a SUPER day!

1. Do you prefer to be in the driver’s seat or in the co-pilot’s chair, literally and figuratively?

Literally & Figuratively:
If there is someone who would rather take control, that’s great. But let’s not confuse the co-pilot’s seat with the backseat. I love being the navigator/second in command, both in the car and in RL.

2. Do you have a lot of baggage, literally and figuratively?

Literally: I think we have 4 suitcases, so not too much.
Figuratively: I do, but it’s fully claimed, inspected and put away in an orderly fashion. So while it’s there (and who doesn’t have it?) it’s not falling out on my feet while I’m entertaining.

3. How much junk have you got in the trunk, literally and figuratively?

Literally: Not much at all. Some jumper cables that don’t work. A few reusable shopping bags. Tire jack.
Figuratively: It’s the stuff legends are made of. Baby got back.

4. At celebrations where people are drinking, are you more likely to be literally or figuratively drunk as a skunk?

Literally: I don’t think skunks get drunk often, so yes, I’m literally as drunk as a skunk.
Figuratively: Not anymore. I’d rather have 2 good glasses of wine than 16 foul-tasting shots or watered down beer.

5. What’s something you enjoy that’s literally cheesy, and what’s something you enjoy that’s figuratively cheesy?

Literally: Have you tried the queso burrito at Qdoba? OMGeezers….yum! It’ll stop your heart but you’ll have a smile on your face!
Figuratively: The Saturday night Sci-Fi channel movies, namely the really bad ones like Sharktopus! Have you seen this? It’s wretched.

But it really made me want to vacation in Puerto Vallarta.

1) When you’re sick in bed, do you prefer to be left alone or to be taken care of?
I like having my tea and water and toast brought to me, but other than that I’m fine reading and dozing off all day.

2) How difficult or cooperative are you as a patient?
I’d like to think I’m very cooperative. I do tend to resist medicines though, unless it’s my sweet beloved Nyquil.

3) It’s just a really bad cold so all you can do is ride it out. What are your strategies?
Socks, quilts, books, Nyquil and lots of naps.

4) How ill do you have to feel in order to shut it down for the day?
I used to be one of those who toughed it out no matter what. You know what I’ve learned? That doesn’t matter AT ALL. Because people who have perfect attendance get laid off too. So for me to call out of work, my malady needs to be one of the below:

a) Stomach-based. I sit a LONG distance and many rows of cubicles from the ladies’ room and if I’m unable to keep my food inside me, I can’t chance it. When I sat in our old online area, I was more likely to come in if I was queasy because we were right next to the ladies room. Literally, my sick days increased when they moved me out onto the sales floor.
b) Fever. When I have a fever I’m either sweating through my clothes or my teeth are audibly chattering. Not very cubicle-friendly.
c) Blinding headache. If the monitor hurts me when I look at it, I’m not going to be productive anyway.

5) Waves of nausea are washing over you and through you. Do you fight them off, or do you just throw up to get it over with?
I’ll get it over with. That doesn’t involve any active measures on my part. I find that if I’m that bad, sitting on the floor staring at the toilet is enough to get the ball rolling, so to speak.

Feel better, Scrivener!

(gah, that calendar picture looks gray. Great scanning job, Kim)

This week’s theme is Holy Moly!

1. What gives you the heebie-jeebies?
Being approached from behind. Because of my bum ear, I don’t hear people walking close to me, especially in the office. Then when they start talking, I shoot through the ceiling. I startle so easily. I hate it. It’s not something you want to be when you work in an open plan office, that’s certain.

2. When were you most recently in double trouble?
Now, actually. It’s nonbloggable, so I’m moving on.

3. What puts you in the mood for some hanky-panky?
A sharp dressed man. Suit/suspenders/fedora/kilt, but not all at once, obviously. Also, Dave Matthews Band “Crush” or Wagner’s “Flight of the Valkyries.” Again, not both at once. But that’d be a neat mashup. Someone go do that for me.

4. What easy-breezy task is still a pain in the neck to accomplish?
Walking the dogs. It’s simple, in theory. The larger, nuttier dog is on a regular leash. The smaller, pokier dog is on a long retractable leash so he can be poky while we walk ahead. I carry my iPhone for tunes and a roll of bags for waste disposal.

In the summer it’s not so bad. But now it’s squirrel season and my dogs love to chase squirrels. I fully accept the responsibility for this bad habit I helped instill in them. But it’s taken my peaceful stroll and turned it into a cavalcade of NO.

5. What area in your life seems especially rife with mumbo-jumbo?
My job! (But I bet yours does too.) Lots of paperwork and arcane ways of doing things. Want to sell a new product? Fill out eighteen sheets of paper and wait forever ’til it gets into the system. They work in inches, not pixels so anything online has to be converted to inches for ordering/billing purposes. “How many pixels in an inch?” “Depends on your resolution. If you’re at 72 dpi then…” (other person passes out)

***
Wanna know how I spent last night? Copiously weeping at YouTube videos of Les Mis songs. I never saw the musical (I know, right?) but I read the book.

SPOILER ALERT (highlight that with your mouse): Almost everyone dies.

I’m glad I never went to see it. I’d be an absolute mess.

Today I think I’m going to live large and go to Old Navy. Tonight, more felt meat! Yay Friday!

NB: I can’t stand the Carpenters. Their songs are just devoid of joy. They make me want to sleep ’til I fall into a coma. Their Christmas songs are dirges. Moving on../

1. Why do birds suddenly appear every time you are near?

It has to be the large container of french fries I lug around. Those seagulls are really aggressive! I’ve heard that playing Carpenters music will actually stop most birds mid-flight, causing them to fall to the ground with a resounding thud. Other birds will voluntarily fly into buildings and plate glass windows, trying to end the pain.

2. What always gets you down?

That unrequited love exists. And Carpenters songs.

3. If you had to live yesterday once more (literally yesterday, as in Thursday the 14th), which part might be worth writing a pretty pop song about?

Watching the last of the Chilean miners coming out of the tiny shaft. But then the Carpenters would take my happy pretty pop song and ruin it to the point that the miners would want to go back underneath and I would just cut myself to make the pain stop.

Crap. I cheated and pre-wrote this when the questions came out last night so I wouldn’t be late for work today. Let me re-answer for yesterday.

Plotzing through puddles of a cleansing, soaking rain on my way home from work. But then the Carpenters would take my happy pretty pop song and ruin it to the point where I would drown myself in a puddle just to make the pain stop.

4. Where’s the coolest place you’ve been where you could look “down on creation?”

I rode the Insanity ride atop the Stratosphere when I was in Las Vegas all those years ago for my 9th (and final, as it turned out) anniversary. On top of the world one day, in the depths 3 months later.

Only the Carpenters are more painful than that was.

5. What’s something in your life that has only just begun?

My 2010 baking season! Breads and cookies ahead! Even the Carpenters can’t suck the joy out of eating food.

Oh, wait. My bad.

***
Mood: Rotten. But it’s Friday, which means tonight I’ll have some Bailey’s & Coffee, wrap myself up in a quilt, and leave the stress of the week behind me.

I know what will cheer me up…

Ugh. Erk.

1. What was the last thing you dropped on the kitchen floor?
I dropped a bottle of Bailey’s on the floor tonight. It didn’t break or crack, thank goodness. Mmmm…Bailey’s…

Funny thing on the Bailey’s website: they want you to like them on Facebook. I know I’m not the most private of people, but even *I* wouldn’t be so silly as to put out in front of God & country that I’m really a fan of a certain brand of alcohol. I know we all mention having a drink of wine or beer from time to time, but to commit to LIKING booze? Nah.

2. What cough drops do you like, and do they work very well?
My favorite used to be Pine Bros cough drops. They were cherry flavored and chewy and fantastic. But since all good things are discontinued, they’re gone now. These days I stick with Luden’s Honey Lemon Cough drops. They’re very soothy, if that’s a word.

3. Who was the last person you dropped off somewhere?
I dropped Mom off at the house after dinner on Wednesday.

4. When were you ever dropped like a bad habit?
My breakups were historically never that quick or blunt. They were long, drawn-out and weepy. Like detoxing instead of dropping. Like a band-aid pulling each individual hair off of your arm. Like shampoo dripping over your eyebrow and gently seeping into your eye.

5. What are your favorite kind of raindrops?
The really thick heavy ones that are common in summer storms. They make great ripples in puddles and really hit you with a plop. They usually mean (to me, the non-meteorologist) that the storm will be quick, too.

***
In other news not worthy of their own blog post, I discovered today that my middle fingers are crooked. I never noticed it until I grew my nails out. I’m so hot.

1. What is the field nearest your home like?

It’s a field hockey field and it’s very nice. So nice that it’s a shame the space is being used for … field hockey. It’d be great if it the rest of the park was that well maintained for the 99.99% of us who do not play field hockey in town. Think of Frisbee/ball throwing without worrying about tripping over gnarled roots. What a wonderful world it would be…

2. How did you get into the professional field you’re in? If you’re not working, what field are you most likely to find yourself in some day?

I was working at Jenny Craig in the mid-1990s and taught myself web design at home. Then, as a secretary for the worst boss imaginable at a medical pubishing company, I helped update the sites for some of the local periodicals. I parlayed that knowlege into a job at the C-P in 1999 which was when you could get a tech job without knowing the entire alphabet soup of languages. That would never happen today.

3. What’s the most interesting sight within your current field of vision?

Hrm. When I’m at my PC I’m staring at the wall. But if I tilt up a bit, I can see my dorkshelf, which holds a myriad of tchotchkes that are interesting to me.

4. Where were you the last time you fielded questions from several people in turn?

Work! New boss (who knows nothing about my blog and I think I’m going to keep it that way) started on Tuesday. He’s a nice chap, but still a new employee. So questions, questions, questions.

5. How are you feeling right now?

Tired. And my stomach hurts. I had a really bad stomachache on Labor Day and it’s persisted off and on all week. That’s not stopping me from drinking coffee, though. I have cramps too. But I’m happy it’s Friday. I’m watching Lar DeSouza livestream his artwork, with a great guy at my left and some softly stinky dogs at my feet. Life is good!

Guess what time it is!

It’s Labor Day weekend!
It’s my last Friday as a 37-year-old!
It’s time for me to start thinking about redesigning the blog!
It’s Friday Five time! This week’s theme is Ink.

1. What are the coolest and ugliest tattoos you’ve ever seen?

Much like my weird desire to get a navel ring before I turned 35, I want a tattoo before I turn 40. At this rate I’ll have a blue mowhawk at 50. But the tattoos I like are dainty and colorful, much like Joss Stone’s foot tattoo.

As for ugly…I don’t think peoples’ faces don’t translate well to tattooing. So the worst tattoo I saw was someone who had their child’s face on them and it was drawn poorly across the widest part of his arm and…wow.

Okay fine…I need to see this again.

2. Have you ever had a meal in which squid ink was an ingredient? How was it?

I had squid ink pasta once but I don’t remember it tasting differently than regular pasta. It was just purply black, which was a turn off in itself.

3. Are you one of those people who has a favorite pen, or one of those people who just uses whatever’s at hand? What’re your favorite pens like?

I’ve commandeered one of WM’s good pens and I use it at work for my tasklist and timesheet. Other than that, no…I use whatever’s around. I prefer pencils anyway.

4. There’s a box of colored markers on the table, and someone tells everyone assembled to grab one. If you have first pick, what do you take?

The Sharpie brand because they smell sooooo good. Oh, colorwise? Royal purple.

5. Have you ever written on a wall in a public place?

No. I’m too chicken to vandalize things. I have stuck angry post-it notes in places. I know…a post-it note. I’m such a revolutionary.

The note says: Leave @ 12:30 or get OT. My workload is ever-increasing.

1. What did the last hat you wore look like?

Mah summer hat! It’s white with a slightly asymmetrical brim and an orange plastic buckle on one side. I wore that sucker all summer because I didn’t want to be at John’s wedding all shades of white and tan. Since it’s easier to stay relatively un-tanned in summer, I went that route.

2. What’s your strategy for unscrewing those stubborn jar-lids?

“Honey? Can you open this?

3. How good are you at keeping a lid on it?

Very good, which is much better than I used to be. Case in point: The thing I have going on now that I can’t mention here on the blog! (I’m not pregnant.) NB: Next time I start a blog, I’m not telling anyone I know that I have one.

4. Here in Hawaii, people are often very self-conscious about their eyelids. How do you feel about yours?

I have squinty eyes, so you never see much of my eyelid. It’s nothing I’ve ever been really bugged about, but it would be nice to have wider eyes. Eh.

5. Are you acquainted with anyone named Lydia?

My father’s grandmother (passed away when I was young) was named Lydia. I LOVE that name. Unfortunately, I don’t think I could give a child of mine the first name of Lydia because… well …