LadyGypsy.net – the blog of Kimberly Dowd of New Jersey

Tell me what a weird dream this is:

The world will be ending in a few days — predictably & disastrously. I think it was an upcoming natural disaster. I end up in Miami with a bunch of other people. We’ve taken over a commercial area which includes a gigantic shopping mall.

Now usually these apocalyptic dreams of mine end with “I buy a gun, go feral and survive it all.”

But this one was different.

So in my dream I decided to make people’s bucket list wishes come true. So for the little old ladies who never learned to drive — we matched them up with people who are good at teaching driving and took them down to the abandoned auto dealership to get behind the wheel. People who always wanted to cook were ushered to the kitchen supply store and taught to make a fantastic meal. A guy quietly confessed he was bi-curious, so I discreetly found a willing mentor and put them in a hotel room. Empty storefronts became chapels for marriages, baptisms and other religious services. The salon became a haven for those who always wanted to see what they looked like with curly/straight/blue/no hair.

Even though we were all going to die in this dream, there was no fear. Everyone was happy and laughing because they were getting what they always wanted.

I had the best feeling when I woke up. What can we do to make this dream — sans imminent painful death due to natural disaster — a reality? I’m not talking “I want to see Mars” or “I want to kiss Justin Bieber” dreams. But the people who want to learn to read. Or read another language. Or learn to ride a bike. Or swim. Or sing.

Ugh. I want to make a difference. I don’t know how.

**
In more shallow news, I’m dangerously close to lopping off half of my hair and going with a cute just-below-chin-length bob.

I watch (too much) QVC – it’s our background channel when nothing else is on. One of the jewelry lines they feature regularly is the Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis jewelry collection. It’s a bunch of costume jewelry make to look like stuff Jackie O had back when she was relevant. There’s an expert on the show who displays photos of Jackie with the original jewelry and tells these great stories that only serve to paint her as a vain & shallow rich man’s wife who collected jewelry because she could.

Hire, me, QVC!

Anyway, the show host (Mary Beth Roe, if you know QVC) remarks that they have Jackie’s original earrings in the building today that the replicas were based from. She turns to me and says, “isn’t that amazing?”

The camera cuts to me and I reply, “It is, Mary Beth. I wanted to wear them on the show today because it’d probably the first time those earrings would have seen an honest day’s work.”

I was summarily fired, but as I was escorted from the soundstage I hollered out “Lisa Robertson (another host) would have LOVED that joke!”

I’ve been spending the last few evenings cutting up meat shapes out of felt and using puffy paint to apply marbling.

Not USDA approved

Yeah. I’m going there.

***

After a few months of trying, I’m deeming my visual task list a failure. I was putting color coded Post-its on my wall at the office to try and show people how much work I had to do. Most people didn’t care and even when my wall was littered with notes I was still being asked why things weren’t done. It turned out to be a waste of money (I was buying my own notes). So it’s down and my wall is bare again.

***

I had a dream last night that I got a job at TMZ (site occasionally NSFW) and my first task was to write a story about Screech becoming baptized and being born again. My headline was: Saved from the Hell.

***

Are they vanity-sizing bras now? As in…upward?

Because I’ve always considered myself pretty average-of-rack and as of my most recent measuring I’m rocking a size now that seems over-the-top. It fits perfectly. It’s just…the size…wow.

***

WM’s sister is getting married tomorrow! It’s a super-small civil ceremony and they didn’t want to make a big deal out of it, so he’s driving out there to surprise them. Which leaves me with a bachelorette weekend.

Which I’ll be spending … cutting meat shapes from felt.