LadyGypsy.net – the blog of Kimberly Dowd of New Jersey

My journey to bring my professional life into the current millennium continues. I don’t know anyone here. I’m completely out of my comfort zone.

But I can finally afford to take a class at Temple!

I’m playing with my theme today while I learn, so you’ll be seeing weirdness here today. Well, more weirdness than usual

As of today, I’ve been divorced five years.

I didn’t realize it until I was driving to Mom’s tonight. And that’s good — the fact that I haven’t been dwelling on/dreading this date for 3 weeks is good.

I now speak of my married days like one would speak of things they did in high school or college. Or band camp. Fondly, with a touch of incredulity that it even happened. So I guess that means I’ve closed the cover on that installment of my life. That white satin cover with navy blue ribbons.

There are now people at work who never knew me married. The divorce comes up from time to time, mostly because there are still businesses out there that insist on using the “Burbermille” last name I used to wear like a gigantic awkward accordion around my neck.

And people will inevitably still say, “Well, at least you didn’t have children.” When they say that, a piece of my heart breaks off and dies forever, and I want to flip them the bird. Instead, I realize they’re trying to be comforting. So I weakly smile and nod and say, “mmm…yes…I guess you’re right.”

There are songs that still stop me in my tracks. But I’ve stopped feeling guilty about mourning an old relationship while thoroughly enjoying a new one. As I look back on the beautiful tapestry of my life, I see that all of the threads blend to create beautiful colors. Without the red blending into blue, I’d lack that gorgeous purple.

I did drive by the old house a few weeks back after a visit to Mom’s. A birdie told me it was on the market earlier this year. I wanted to see if it had been sold and if the big apple tree in the back still existed. The tree was gone, which didn’t surprise me, as the hundreds of crabapples on the ground were really annoying. And there was a Little Tykes playground in the yard, so somebody else was living there. That cut me to the bone and for a good five minutes I raged inside…that should have been a playground that *I* bought for *my* children that should have played in that yard.

Then I realized that I went through a different sliding door and was never meant to have children play in that yard. And that’s okay. It really is.

I haven’t spoken to BvP since last July, but as always I wish him the best, wherever he has landed.

The phrase “It gets better” has been appropriated by a cause much larger than my own piddly life. But if I had a Tardis, I’d go back to the woman staring at the dark and tell her that it gets better.

It gets much, much, better.

My goals for this week, scribed here so I’ll always have a reminder of failing…

1) Make two doc appointments: one for the eyes and one for the neglected thyroid. About the eyes: I think I haven’t had an eye appointment in 2 or 3 years. About the thyroid: I feel fine..light-years from how I felt on the levothyroxine last summer. But the worry of something being wrong is still in the back of my head. Could I feel even better than what I consider fine? I’m skipping my primary physician for this and going to a local doc that was recommended by two completely different people. I’d like to schedule both appointments for one day and just take off of work.

2) Wash, dry, fold AND PUT AWAY 2 loads of laundry.

3) Take two 20 minute walks.

4) Read up on data integrity. It’s been a while since I’ve dealt with databases. Time to brush up again.

5) Eat a salad every day. Not for the nutritional benefits, but to fill up on stuff other than Entenmann’s.

6) Figure out how much it would cost me to package and ship a pair of earrings to someone here in the US. This is the next step of my loooooong trek toward opening an Etsy shop. Pricing is my downfall. I never kept track of how much my beads and wire cost so it’s hard to approximate how much I should charge for things. But envelopes & shipping are pretty concrete costs.

What’s on your list?