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The Blues

By on February 11, 2013 in Kim 4.0

I. Am. So. Blue.

Why? Here’s the list:

1) My feet hurt, but only after extended periods of being off of them. Such as in the mornings when I wake up or … every time I get up at work, desk jockey that I am. It feels like I have no padding left in my heels. Preliminary internet searches tell me its Plantar Fasciitis. Like the geriatric I’m becoming, I bought some shoe inserts to try and soften the blow, but they don’t help when I’m limping to the bathroom every morning.

I had orthotics in middle school (Because, hey, what better time to have awkward shoe inserts than the years when you had bad hair and wore clothing from the Sears catalog? In for a penny, in for a pound!) for some reason that I don’t even remember. Maybe I should have always worn them?

Worse, I started taking walks at lunchtime with coworkers a few weeks ago and I think that’s what triggered this. I still do not regret wearing high heels in my 20s and 30s though. Not at all.

I hate feet.

2) My right elbow hurts when I extend my arm. This is probably from me carrying my bag around. I don’t know how to treat this other than use the left arm to pick up my bag or to make my bag lighter. It’s not heavy to begin with. The heaviest thing in there is my iPad. Maybe I should switch to a backpack for work for a while?

2a) My left shoulder hurts from switching to carrying the bag on my left side.

3) I’m torturing myself with thoughts on having a kid. I’m 40. Which is the new 30, I’m told. It could still happen. I guess. Maybe. Probably not.

But do I want to stick this kid with an old mother who’s falling apart as it is? (see points 1, 2, and 2a). Would a pregnancy completely drive me into the ground? Should we even try and open ourselves up (but face it, it’d be me, the owner of the dusty uterus that would feel the failure more) to that brand of disappointment or do we continue along with the happy life we have now. And it’s very happy as is.

But there is no more tabling this decision. I either have to baseball slide beneath the garage door as it’s 18 inches above ground and closing or decidedly turn around and walk away from that door forever. And hope I get far enough away from the door in time that the final SLAM is barely heard.

And does the fact that I’m entertaining the thought of walking way mean that I don’t want a kid enough to be a good parent? AAAH!

I feel olllllld. And so saaaaad. And now I’m whiiiiiiiiining on my bloooooogggg. UUUUUGH.

But I never regret blogging about my down spells. It makes the blog — my diary — more real. And this too will pass. And if future kid finds this…I thought HARD about having you! You were no accident! I’m sorry I’m decrepit!

In the meantime, here is a video of a dog on a trampoline to cheer you back up.

Comments { 2 }

A lady looks at 40

By on September 5, 2012 in Kim 4.0

I had half of my brows ripped off of my face last night so of course I had to take the pic with glasses on to hide the throb.

I started this blog when I was 30.

Today I turn 40. (zomg!)

Forty laughs harder than thirty. Forty is rounder than thirty. Forty is so very much wiser than thirty. And forty is happier than thirty.

Today my coworkers are taking me out to lunch. Tonight I meet Mom for coffee. Tomorrow night WM and I go out, just the two of us. On Friday, it’s dinner with WM, Mom, John & Kristen. This weekend, I’m back in my elastic-waist pants. :)

This hereby ends the sequence of crazy life-bending events of 2012: new job, new apartment, wedding, and turning 40.

Whew. Forty is more tired than thirty, too. ;)

***

Yes I am a pirate, two hundred years too late
The cannons don’t thunder, there’s nothin to plunder
I’m an over-forty victim of fate
Arriving too late, arriving too late

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Yes, I’m still married!!

By on August 5, 2012 in I live in New Jersey, Kim 4.0, Wandering Minstrel

Whoa. I blinked and July flew by. What happened in July?

1) We got married.

The lovely wedding photos were taken by Douglas Bovitt. Douglas did a masterful job at making two pasty gaming misanthropes look human. “Look like you’re happy” he kept saying…it worked!

Going to the courthouse and we’re gonna get married…

It was a lovely little affair on July 5th (one month ago!) at 8:30 am at the Cherry Hill courthouse (because my current town only does weddings on Wednesdays and Wednesday was July 4 and I was a doof and planned the honeymoon before I set a wedding date. The judge performed a lovely ceremony, and inserted much more than the “do you? do you? okay” that I expected. He added in a phrase about letting go of the past, embracing the present and moving into the future that brought tears to my eyes.

Behind this door is a courtroom full of traffic court perps.

Interesting highlights included someone asking us if we were there to pay a fine as we waited, fully dressed, inside the municipal building hallway, and the half-hearted round of applause from the people waiting in the gallery as we exited the judge’s chambers.

Ok…one more photo…

Who knew outside the Cherry Hill courthouse would be so pretty?

So again, if you are looking for South Jersey wedding photography (see what I did there, SEO peeps?) Douglas Bovitt is your guy.

2) We went to Walt Disney world. (yes, again. shush)

It was 95 degrees and 90% humidity at the time this picture was taken. I’d have left the ears on all day, but the sweat was starting to trickle down the sides of my face.

We stayed in a newly-renovated room at Port Orleans: Riverside and ate at Le Cellier, San Angel In, Sci-Fi Cafe, and Tony’s Town Square. All meals were phenomenal. And as an added bonus the entire continent of South America sent its teens to Walt Disney world in gigantic,.clapping tour groups to cheer on our honeymoon. Gracias.

3) I celebrated my 6-month anniversary at TNP.

No pictures for this, but I am still very happy there. Do you know I haven’t even had a cold since I left the C-P in January? WM has a cold now though, so I’ll probably be getting one in 3 days.

4. I’m changing my name. (again, again)

It’s frighteningly easy to get a name changed on your Social Security card. My new one came in the mail in just 5 days. I had to wait 90 minutes at the DMV to get my driver’s license changed.

Thank you very much for your kind comments on my last jittery post. We appreciate them all. Sometimes I click “Publish” on this doofy blog and sort of forget that there are people who take time out of their busy day to check in on my ramblings. I appreciate all of you, commenters & lurkers alike.

5. I will be continuing to blog.

So how many of you thought I’d end this endeavor with the remarriage?

(raises hand)

I was going to wrap it up then, because it’s been almost 10 years of rambling. But in my 4 weeks away, I missed this place.

Next on my list of 2012 changes — my 40th birthday next month. Bring it.

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I believe in second chances

By on July 5, 2012 in Kim 4.0, Wandering Minstrel

Today I get married again.
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A man deserves a second chance, but keep an eye on him. – John Wayne
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To make a long story short, WM has been wanting this for years, and I’ve been hemming and hawing. Today that ends.
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If you have made mistakes, there is always another chance for you. You may have a fresh start any moment you choose, for this thing we call ‘failure’ is not the falling down, but the staying down. – Mary Pickford
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It’s going to be small and quick, yet I felt the need to buy a cream colored dress, to have a bouquet, to foof up my hair, to wear Crest whitestrips, and to indulge in Mom’s “Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue” request. (She didn’t accept myself as the “old.”)
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We all have big changes in our lives that are more or less a second chance. – Harrison Ford
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I can’t lie. I’m a bit terrified about the whole thing. For the longest time, I felt like because I failed my first marriage, I didn’t deserve another shot. I didn’t deserve the attention, the gifts, the well-wishes. I mean, I ruined the sanctity of marriage once already, right?
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All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with somebody else. – Mae West
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That self-pity ends this morning. I’m going to do this again, and I’m going to give it every ounce I have.
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If you ever get a second chance at life, you’ve got to go all the way. – Lance Armstrong
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So at 8:30 this morning, all dozen of you, could you send WM and I some good positive vibes and prayers? Whichever is your thing. If none of those is your thing…play the awesome beginning of Welcome to the Jungle in your head. Dun-na-na-nuh! Dun-na-na-nuh!
–
For, behold, the winter is past. The rain is over and gone. The flowers appear on the earth. The time of the singing has come, and the voice of the turtledove is heard in our land. The fig tree ripens her green figs. The vines are in blossom. They give forth their fragrance. Arise, my love, my beautiful one, and come away. Solomon 2:11-13
–
And thus, the era of Kim 4.0 begins.

(Edited on 1/25/13: Six and a half months after I quoted Lance Armstrong above, he admitted to using performance enhancing drugs and lying for decades about it. Hopefully my marriage won’t need performance enhancing drugs.)

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