Godspeed, iPhone 1

Yesterday morning as I walked the dogs I realized that the home button wasn’t working on my iPhone. I was listening to Buzz out Loud so I didn’t really need that functionality. I just thought it was weird.

When we came inside I plugged the phone in to sync it but the phone wouldn’t recognize the charging cable. Well, the cable did have a few stray fangy chompmarks on it (glares at dogs) so I figured I’d charge it at work.

No dice. I tried to do a soft reset, but that sent the phone into a sad cycle of turning itself off and on. Without the ability to charge it, I knew it’d be gone in hours. (I blame the Farmville app.)

So the decision I was mulling on for a while had to be made. I decided to go for the $99 upgrade to the iPhone 3GS. I went to the mall during lunch and after waiting behind …

1) An elderly couple with limited English skills
2) a guy in a wifebeater shirt whose AmEx gold card would not go through (“call them, they’ll tell you it’s okay”) and
3) A college-age girl who had no idea what phone she wanted.

… I got my brand new iPhone 3GS. I had the old-school $20 unlimited package, which I switched to the $5 for 200 texts and $15 for 200GB of data so my monthly bill won’t change. I bought a snazzy green case so I can find it in my bag.

My concern about not being able to think of a new name for it (iDrink and iSettled being two suggestions) was eliminated upon first sync, when it pulled in all of my old info, including the old iGypsy name. Which is good.

There’s already such a great difference between the 1st gen and the 3GS that I don’t feel behind by not having the 4. And by the time I’m ready for a better phone, maybe the iPhone 5 will be out!

But now, for the matter at hand.

***
Friends, we gather here today to thank iPhone for its years of … mediocre … service as we send its spirit back to Cupertino. (Or China.) Instead of the bad times, let us remember how excited we we were when it first appeared in our lives, full of promise and short on “bars.”

First-gen iPhone opened our eyes to all that could be done with a phone. Games! Internet surfing! Photo-taking! Of course, we could do that all with the prior phone (including video and MMS) but iPhone did it with style, panache, and the added bonus of being able to abruptly end phone calls with only a soft touch from a smiling cheek.

For your final journey, we have given you the case and protectors we used to keep you from shattering at any given moment.

Go, go with Jobs.

(Wandering Minstrel takes aim at the bier with a flaming arrow)