My Dancing with the Stars “Dream Team”

Ah, ABC, you torture me with this “Dancing with the Stars” phenomenon. It’s on THREE days this week, which tries my patience and attention level.

As I sit through day two and wonder how in the hell K!m Karda$h!an managed to get cast, WM and I chat about our “dream” contestants. So we made up lists, 6 men and 6 women. Our picks are based on the usual casting formula (lower-caliber celebrities, with certain demographics thrown in) and some pie-in-the-sky wishing.

PS: If you’re watching, have you seen the cute Disney balloon commercials? I swear, the Walt Disney World marketing crew knows how to play me like a finely tuned fiddle.

My team

Tristan Rogers – “Robert Scorpio” from General Hospital star and my first Aussie crush. He’d fill the usual “ABC Soap Star” slot.
Michael Phelps – I want to see him flounder. Get it? Flounder? Fish? Bwah! Anyway, he’d play the part of “Accomplished male athlete.”
Snoop Dogg – Wouldn’t this be a riot?
Rob Mariano – “Boston Rob” from Survivor. He’s done 2 reality competition shows…let’s give him the hat trick.
Donnie Walhberg – The “Bad Boy” from NKOTB, naturally playing the role of “former boybander.” Jon’s my fave, but I think the show would give him an anxiety attack.
Jason Bateman – One of my fave teen stars from the 80′s, playing the part of “80′s TV star.” Unfortunately (well, fortunately for him), his career’s taking off again and he’s a bit too big for the show.
Alyssa Milano – 80′s teen star and low-grade 90′s TV star.
Raven Symone – Playing the role of “Disney Channel star”
Amber Brkich-Mariano – Survivor winner and Boston Rob’s wife. That’d give us a nice husband/wife rivalry
Christie Brinkley – My favorite 80s supermodel, playing the role of “older supermodel”
Jennie Finch – Gold medal softball pitcher, filling the “accomplished female athlete” slot.
Dita VonTeese (not linking to photos here, search at your own risk) – lower-caliber celebrity and hottie. Plus, she’d look very nice in those gowns, yes?

WM’s Team

Teller (believe it or not, a Google image search for him turns up nekkid people who aren’t him) – “     .” The smaller, quieter half of Penn and Teller
LL Cool J – filling in the slot of “music star”
Nathan Fililon (what’s with the nakedness in Google Safe Search?) – from Serenity, Slither & Dr. Horrible’s Singalong Blog
Ben Stein – all-around political badass and minor movie star, filling the role of “older guy”
Steve Yzerman – retired Red Wings player. I suppose he qualifies as “accomplished male athlete”
Hugh Laurie* – Dr. House. Completely out of this show’s league, but so’s Jason Bateman…we can all dream
Marisa Tomei – “smokin’ hot’
Ellen DeGeneres – “fun”
Paula Deen – filling the role of “cackling old bat.” Y’all.
Jennie Finch – Hey! He stole this from me!
Vanessa Hudgens (uh…search for her yourself) – Disney channel star.
Mary Matalin – middle aged woman, and political bad-ass.

Whaddya think, sirs?